been a long time

hello there
 its been a long time. im doing good right now. been helping my bfs parents get stuff out of their house before the water hits in bismarck. the dr has cut my anxiety meds in half and im dealing fine with that. having some anxiety and worried thoughts about the bf if he gets a different job. hed be gone for periods of time and could be as far away as utah from me. im scared about that but well see what happens if he gets this job. he really wants it and i understand why and i dont blame him itll just be super hard if we dont get to see each other often. his final interview will be monday well see what happens from there. cant say whats going to happen in the future...such is life.

Havent been on in awhile

Sorry,

 Been pretty busy. I now go see my therapist every two weeks and my doctor every four weeks.

My little sister was in the ER yesterday with horrible stomach pain. I was thinking oh no apendix etc... She was in so much pain she couldnt get out of bed. And it just came on in  flash no joke in like 5 mins. We got her in and it turns out she is having stomach spasms from gym class. The teacher is over working the students. She had the worst asthma attach shes ever had on friday and the doctor thinks that is what triggered her to have these spasms. We get out of there come home and she sleeps for hours. She wakes up eats a few crackers drinks some water and goes back to sleep. Wakes up and vomits a huge amount. So here I am freaaking out! Now im worried its more than that im worried its something I can catch. UGH! I want to be better I am getting better just wish it would be easier.

Happy New Year!

Well been doing pretty good lately...had a panick attack last night think alot of things factored into it. Kinda having thoughts again. Wondering why its coming back. Guess on the 17th ill have more work to do with the Dr and therapist. Im glad to be seeing them soon. I want to get better. Had some awesome days! Was in Bizzo a week or so ago for a few days seen Cole. Then he came here to see me for new years, had such a blast. Went to another town to watch a movie and go out to dinner with some friends, went ice skating, went to another movie here in town, drove around alot (theres so much to do here lol) seen some friends from here in town. And as of Dec 31st I have a new boyfriend. Cole is amazing. I searously couldnt ask for anything more. He understands me he helps me he makes me feel beautiful. I have so much fun when we are together. Its pretty great!!!! My family likes him alot too.

Im still doing all the treatment things im suppose to be doing. I think my hand washing has cut down a bit. Stll have some OCD things but in time I hope this all will pass. Last night was the worst Ive felt in weeks so Im pretty proud of myself. Im still scared alot like even now I am because I ate dinner not a gronola bar but I need to keep telling myself Im ok that if I was sick I wouldnt of ate I wouldnt feel good that id feel crappy for awhile. This too shall pass...

Happy New Year