Had a great weekend!

So I had the best weekend ive had ever! A friend from Bis came to my town to see me. He even hit a deer and still came lol. Thank God it was the truck infront of him that hit it and took the damage he just ran over its head and the antlers popped a few tires...could of been soooo much worse. We havent seen each other in years...since middle school. I was so comfortable around him. It wasnt weird at all. Hes awesome. Took me out and played darts (he taught me how since I really had no clue what I  was doing) went driving around alot since theres really nothing to do here in this town. Met up with his friend Nate and hung out with him played some games laughed our asses off. I didnt have really any anxiety all weekend even being in a bar a few times and being around people I didnt know. Still did a ton of hand washing. We went out to my friends place and hung out everyone seemed to get along with him it was great. So it was a great weekend I was so sad when it had to end. We hugged said bye. I might make it back to Bis before Christmas and we can hang out again. Im really hoping to. Otherwise itll be after New Years till we can hang out again. Anyways it was a great weekend and I wish it never had to end.
Now im waiting for the snow to stop so we can dig ourseves out. If you dont have a four wheel drive right now you cant get anywhere. Awesome storm!! Had to reschedual my Dr. appt since its in another town the roads were so bad we couldnt get there so I wont see her till Dec. 14th. Do a call appt with her tomorrow. Well im out for now.

Well it was happy turkey day today!

My family and I went to my grandparents house for the day. We all had such a great time!!! My anxiety didnt get bad till we left really I did do alot of handwashing while I was there. Boy did we eat a ton of food twice!! We played Catch Phrase and it was sooo funny. All of us around a table guessing things. Couldnt of had a better thanksgiving...well could of if my bro would of been here but he couldnt make it but hell be here for Christmas.

So my ex has pretty much gone off the deep end. Threatend to kill a friend of mine last night and his dog. That scares me about him. I was living on egg shells worried id say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. So my friend called me tonight to tell me once again that I made the right choice and like he said "you cant save every homeless dog, cat or child in need" He made me feel much better. Hes in a sucky situation but we all knew my ex would go off the deep end again and im soo glad and proud of myself for not being there. Just worry about the little one. I made a good choice and ive learned alot from it. Im thankful this Thankgiving for my wonderful supportive family whom I couldnt live without my friends who mean the world to me and every above me who looks out for me.

Goodnight

So I just went up town with my parents...

And now im having anxiety again. I touched things other people have touched that could be ill...I was around people who could be ill...I just took my night meds so hopefully itll help soon. I just hate it. I washed my hands reallllly well when I got home. I always make an excuse to wash my hands so my parents dont think that its my OCD so much. It really bothers my mom how bad my hands look. Im going to drink one of my immune boosters now...I drink one everday thinking maybe just maybe it will help me. I have that feeling in my throat like its hard to swallow and breath my chest is hurting. I wish this was an easy thing to deal with I wish I wasnt about in tears right now...but all I can do is think im going to throw up because someone somewhere could of gave me the bug...
I guess I just have to keep living day by day and do what I do to help myself and hopefully some day be better than I am today.

When my hell became a real hell

 4 Days ago my sister had the flu. It wasnt one of thoes ones where you know its going to happen. We rented movies that night I had her invite a friend over she was fine. We all had a slumber party in the livingroom watching movies and being goofy. About 5am she woke up sick...like out of the blue...she was sick twice...So as you can imagine my anxiety is through the roof at this point...I wanted to run away from myself if you can understand that.
I handled it better than I EVER thought I could. I did hid in my room but I did not run away. I even asked her a few times when I went out to where she was if I could get her anything and how she was feeling. No joke the next day she was fine. She even went to school the next day a Monday and aced all her tests. She even went to dance. Shes such a trooper and I wish I could be more like her. ( My moms also Emet)

So my emet has broken up a relationship I was in for over a year, he had a son I treated as my own and took care of 24/7. I know being single now is a good thing and I feel its for the best. I often wonder if I stayed in that relationship for the child for so long knowing I wasnt getting what I needed or deserved.

Im seeing a Dr. Im getting help. Im doing a workbook on anxiety and phobias. Im doing what I can to get better because no one can live like this forever.

So here I am

So here I am this is me... Im 24 years old. Im emetophobic and have OCD from that, been suffering from depression for about 12 years now, possibly have PTSD as well.

Ive been told by several close friends that starting a site might help me get through all this so I though why not Ill give it a shot.

I have alot of good days and some bad days but im hanging in there.